JOY.
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She thinks age is relative. If she were to be perfectly honest, she'll tell you she actually thinks she's an old soul. Her energy, though, says otherwise. She's a double major in Politics and Psychology, but her biggest dream is to work for National Geographic.

She'll never admit it to anyone, but she's always wanted to be a princess, and no, not the Disney kind. She loves anything Arabic and Russian, and she likes chocolate more than she likes a lot of things, and there are a lot of things she likes. She likes cameras, the military, dogs, Lego, Batman, and Harry Potter.

On random days, she refers to herself in the third person, and people think it's weird. She doesn't care, though, a friend once told her that weird is good.

Her mind's essentially Hotel California.

She's a Youth For Christ.

That's not to say she's a holy person, or that she's a righteous one. All it actually means is that she believes in living her life for something far greater than who she is. People sometimes look at her with scorn, especially since she lives in a world where no one wants to get associated with religion, but she doesn't mind.

Because everyday she's becoming a better version of herself.

She can't be angry. She tries, but she just can't. The simplest, shallowest things make her laugh. Mess with her friends, though, and she'll rush to you and make you remember why that wasn't such a good idea.

She's boyish, which can be because she has a lot of guy friends more than she has girls, but the ones here below, she's been friends with them since forever.

And she's planning to keep it that way.

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Stroll along memory lane May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 Current Posts

2/365

Hi.

You probably know me by now.

But, like many other people who think they do, you probably don't me much. And okay, I won't be a hypocrite and say that I know myself most (because I'm sure as hell I don't), but here are some things you ought to know.

1. I'm the emotionally weakest person I know. People think I have this insane ability to brush off comments - and I do, and they assume I'm good with everything - and I try; but I'm actually pretty (and this sucks to have to admit this, I wish I could stop with that P word before this) emotional. I cry a lot. I have the hugest tantrums. I have dozens of poems of angst. I punch walls until my knuckles bleed. I'm a huge brat. Only recently have I taken on the challenge to step up and be braver, but mostly because I couldn't let everything get at me. Also,

2. I have the weirdest fears. People would normally go for death when talked about their deepest fears, but mine are completely out of this world. I have the common ones, like losing loved ones, but my biggest fear is giving myself to someone completely external to me. It's stupid, I know, but I'm terrified of it. I shudder at the thought of having someone have a stake in my heart. I'm scared of having to fall in love. I don't know, though; maybe I'll try in the future, but in the meantime...

3. I don't believe in love. Romantic love. At my age. I don't know, I guess when you combine my weakness and the fact that I have trust issues, it's kind of hard to believe in something like that. I don't believe anyone's capable of handling that large a responsibility. I know I can't. Also, I get bored easily. I have the tendency to jump around (both literally and figuratively), and when I'm too comfortable already, I panic. I've always felt that too much comfort will inevitably lead to separation.

I can't stay in a place for too long, and I'm scared to think it might happen with people, too.

All too depressing? Fine, then.

4. I love chocolate. You know how they say the FDA approves 6 insect legs and 2 rodent hairs per one hundred gram of chocolate? Well, I've probably ingested enough to keep an insect zoo and rat sanctuary. I love chocolate so much I can eat only it for the rest of my life if it weren't unhealthy - I guess it's the one thing I'm glad that stuck with me even after an almost encounter with anorexia.

(This isn't getting brighter. Ah, let me finish at least.)

Lastly,

5. I still don't know what to do with my life because I like to be - and do - a lot. I mean, okay, I know the basics. I know I don't want a corporate setting (but hell I love corporate attires), but other than that, I'm not sure. I want to work with both the living and the dead, I want to own a gun, I want to not adhere to deadlines, I want to write and write until I can't anymore, I want to name something, I want a whole lot other things, and I don't even know how to start them all. Social convention wants me to be a lawyer (I want to be one, too), but I want to work in the medical field, too. I want to work for an intelligence agency, I want to be a soldier. I want to be a politician. I want to be too many things.

And I'm terrified of the fact that I might not even be one of the things I want to be. I think that's why I'm like this.

There. 5 things about me people don't really know (well, okay, except number 4). I guess since I'm supposedly now adult and all, I should be more honest with myself, and dreary items aside, I think I did pretty well.

P.S. My biggest dreams as a young kid were to be both a policeman and an embalmer. Go figure.

1/365: I have the best people ever in the world to call as friends.

Sometimes I wonder why they manage to stick with me despite my general ability to annoy people, but most of the time I just revel at the fact that they do.

18 now. Legitimately.

Nowhere near ready, but I know with friends like these, I'll do well.

(P.S. Will blog about the birthday celebration soon. Hopefully tomorrow. Dream birthday [which consists of two factors - Harry Potter and surprise] just came true. I feel utterly blessed.)